You may have heard Weezer’s new single “Pork and Beans,” and thought to yourself, “Hmm…not too bad. And you may have heard Weezer’s Red Album leaked yesterday. So, you may be curious what the other tracks sound like. Resist the temptation. Don’t do it. Don’t listen to these tracks. Unless they’re from some kind of rickroll where Weezer intentionally leaked sh*t versions of album tracks, these “songs” are some of the worst recordings of the 21st Century.

How bad? We’re talking Pitchfork 0.0 bad. We’re talking, “Everybody get dangerous, BOO YEAH!” bad. Yes, that’s the actual chorus from “Everybody Get Dangerous.” Can it get any worse than that, you ask? Well, Rivers Cuomo does name drop Gordon Lightfoot on “Heart Songs,” along with a handful of other artists who haven’t been name dropped in the last 25 years, and then there’s the six minute “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn).” You may remember that meolody from your days in third grade band class. Brain Bell’s “song” isn’t too bad…if you like Sugar Ray and LFO. I don’t think you could even enjoy these “songs” in an ironic so bad they’re good kinda way. They’re so bad they’re bad, and there’s no escaping that sad fact. For the sake of a once mighty band, and for the sake of your ears, we’d all be better off if these “songs” never existed.