Note, none of these stories came from The Onion. The world really is going to shit with hell in its hand-basket.

Man Arrested for Trying to Shoplift Miley Cyrus Sex Doll

Justin Bieber narrowly avoided a grisly castration-and-murder plot by two hit men

Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood in Brazil, Waiting for the Apocalypse

Radiohead deny claims Jonny Greenwood is in Brazil, waiting for Apocalypse

Radiohead’s Management Says Greenwood Isn’t Even in Brazil

Man Dies After Attempting “Gangnam Style” Dance

Maneater: Hall Bitten by Oates

Watch Nirvana & Paul McCartney Debut “Cut Me Some Slack” At 12-12-12: The Concert For Sandy Relief